Prelude to a Journey
by lucidscreamer
Summary: AU Newly returned to Carlisle after his "rebellion", Edward contemplates their changed relationship. Part of my "This, Our Eternity" Carlisle/Edward series. Pre-slash friendship with subtle romantic overtones.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Prelude to a Journey  
Author: Lucidscreamer  
Fandom: Twilight  
Pairing: Carlisle/Edward (pre-slash friendship)  
Warning(s): Non-canon, vampire AU.

Disclaimer: _Twilight_ is the creation of Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: This ficlet is an expansion on some of the events mentioned in "Celestial Convergence" and is also a prelude to an upcoming Edward/Carlisle novella set in 1920s Egypt. Special thanks to Tex_chan for the supportive comments and pre-reading. Any mistakes are my own.

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Prelude to a Journey: December, 1922

Edward had been home for days now, long enough for the reality to sink in, and yet somehow it didn't seem quite real. The house had not changed, almost as if it had frozen in time as surely as if it were a vampire itself. Carlisle had not changed, though there was a tension between them - a different tension than that which had driven Edward to run, but undeniable even as he shied away from examining it too closely, afraid of what he might find. (He knew that Carlisle wanted him here, but if the true extent of his transgressions were revealed, would he still be welcomed?) Perhaps it was simply that, even though he was no longer alone, his days were still spent in solitude while Carlisle toiled within the shadowy halls of the local hospital.

A faint sigh escaped Edward's lips. Had he expected it to be different? No, of course not. He knew that Carlisle was too set in his ways to ever change and his work meant everything to him. It made him feel useful, needed. A part of society. Perhaps that was the true source of Edward's current discontent: he was bored, unhappy to be at loose ends with little to occupy his thoughts but the memories of his misguided vigilantism and the burden it had left on his conscience.

Sometimes, he wondered how Carlisle could still bear to look at him.

In all honesty, Edward hadn't been sure what to expect when he finally gathered the courage to return and beg for his maker's forgiveness. He certainly had not expected to be welcomed back with open arms, but Carlisle had been genuinely happy to see him. The sheer relief and joy that had radiated from the other - his thoughts an endless loop of '_you're home, Edward, my Edward, you're home!_' - had left Edward speechless and incapable of doing more than returning Carlisle's tight embrace.

Hours later, after Edward had confessed his shameful actions during their time apart, Carlisle squeezed his shoulder and assured him he would always be welcome. In that moment, seeing the forgiveness in the older vampire's eyes, Edward made a silent vow that he would never let Carlisle down again.

In the days that followed, things fell back into their former routine so swiftly it was almost as if Edward had never left. If not for the undercurrent of that strange new tension flowing beneath the surface of their every interaction, Edward might have thought the last six months nothing more than some nightmarish fancy or twisted daydream. Rather than allow himself to brood too deeply on such things, for he knew all too well down which path that led, he turned his attention to the escapism of books.

One of the things Edward had missed during his long absence (for those months gone from Carlisle's side now seemed like an eternity to him) was the extensive library that he and Carlisle shared. Now, Edward quickly fell into his old habit of losing himself in the pages of a book while he waited for Carlisle to return home.

Over the course of the week, he had devoured an entire shelf of travel-related literature, from Mark Twain's _A Tramp Abroad_ to Theodore Roosevelt's more recent _Through the Brazilian Wilderness_. His latest distraction, the choice inspired by newspaper stories heralding the discovery by Howard Carter of a pharaoh's tomb in the Valley of the Kings, was a thick tome entitled _A Thousand Miles Up the Nile_, which recounted Amelia Edwards' travels in Egypt during the winter of 1873-74. The writing was vibrant enough to make him feel as if he were traveling through that exotic land himself. Setting the book in his lap, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander to dusty streets and ancient monuments. For a moment, he could almost smell the overwhelming odors of the crowded Cairo markets or hear the lapping of the Nile against the wooden sides of a native _felucca_ as its broad sail luffed in the hot, sluggish breeze. They were images of a life far removed from anything he had yet to experience, and they had held his attention for most of the day.

Now, however, he found his thoughts drifting closer to home. His most vivid memory of his own human life was of leaving it. It was a memory shrouded in pain and delirium, of trading a fever-ridden death by influenza for one wrought by a vampire's venom. Either way, dying _hurt_ and was not something he preferred to dwell upon.

Opening his eyes, he tilted his face toward the cheerful fire burning in the grate and wished he could feel more than a superficial heat that barely seemed to graze the surface of his skin. A hazier memory arose, unbidden, of a woman's arms surrounding a far smaller version of himself in an embrace that seemed to warm him to his core, her hand stroking his hair with tender affection as she whispered... something, the words now lost to the vagaries of time.

_Edward_...

Startled from his reverie, Edward snapped his head around to find himself alone in the sitting room. He frowned. A glance at the clock sitting on the mantle assured him it was still too early for Carlisle to be returning from the hospital, but he was certain he had heard-

..._ my Edward_.

Edward's next in-drawn breath caught a familiar scent and he flitted into the foyer just as the door swung open to admit Carlisle. "I wasn't expecting you home for hours yet. Is everything all right?"

"I quit."

"What?" Edward resisted the urge to stick a finger in his ear and wiggle it around to correct whatever blockage was obviously affecting his hearing. He couldn't have just heard Carlisle say-

"I quit my job at the hospital."

Edward's lips slid open on empty air. Questions crowded his mind, so many that he couldn't sort them out enough to give voice to any single one. Working as a physician meant everything to Carlisle. That he would give it up, even for a short time, without being driven by dire necessity (such as a newborn vampire to educate and civilize) seemed unthinkable to Edward. It was several seconds before he managed to blurt, "-_Why?_"

The corners of Carlisle's mouth twitched and he shrugged, slipping off his coat and hat before moving to put them neatly away. "I decided that, for the next few months at least, I need to devote my attention to something more important."

Unable to fathom what such a pastime might be, Edward simply stared at the older vampire until Carlisle's mental voice chided, _Edward! You truly cannot guess?_

Perplexed, Edward shook his head.

_You, Edward._ The smile Carlisle had been suppressing broke free, lighting up his entire face as he regarded Edward with shining eyes. "I've missed you. And, now that you've returned to me, I want to spend my time with _you_. That is-" He glanced away and pretended to pick at some invisible lint on his cuff. "-if you've no objections?"

"Of course not! I-" To say that Edward had merely "missed" Carlisle during his time away was an understatement that did not bear vocalizing. He swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat, an unexpected but welcome warmth rising within him at the notion that his companionship was as dear to Carlisle as Carlisle's was to him. Afflicted by an inexplicable shyness even as a pleased smile curved his lips, Edward peered at his maker through the veil of his lowered lashes. "I would like that very much."

"Good! I thought perhaps we could take a page from those books you've been reading and travel for a bit. Shall we give them a look and decide where we'd like to go?"

A gentle clap on the shoulder ushered Edward back into the sitting room at Carlisle's side. And _that_, Edward knew beyond doubt, was where he always wanted to be - at Carlisle's side, no matter where else their journeys might take them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

(_Earlier that same day_...)

For almost a week, every day since Edward's return, Carlisle had been walking on air. He had also been prone to smiling at nothing and - on one memorable occasion - laughing aloud for no apparent reason, to the consternation of his co-workers. He simply couldn't help it. The terrible weight of loneliness and despair under which he had labored for six months had lifted, because Edward was home.

_Edward was home_.

The thought made him grin, startling a passing nurse so badly that she collided with a rolling cart as her head whipped around to stare at him. He apologized and helped her right the spilled supplies before continuing along the hallway, an irrepressible spring in his step and the smile still tugging at his lips.

People were beginning to talk. After months of his moping, the nurses were whispering that he was either in love or losing his mind. Carlisle rather thought it might be both. There was no doubt that he was in love, had _been_ in love since the day he had walked into a hospital ward and seen seventeen year old Edward Masen dying of influenza. But he harbored no delusions that his affections might ever be returned. He was old and set in his ways, and Edward was young and beautiful and vital - and everything that Carlisle had never known he wanted.

And, still, he was almost giddy with relief and happiness that Edward had come back to him. Perhaps he was being silly. Yes, Edward had returned, but it wasn't as if he had flung his arms around Carlisle and declared his undying devotion.

Carlisle froze in mid-step as the fantasy played out in his mind.

_"Edward! You've come back!" Carlisle stood in the doorway, paralyzed by shock and joy._

_Edward reached for him, stroking long, pianist's fingers down the side of Carlisle's face. "I had to. I realized I couldn't live without you." He ducked his chin and looked up through the thick veil of his eyelashes. "That is, if you'll have me back?"_

_"Of course!" Propelled by need, Carlisle forgot his usual reticence. He threw his arms around Edward's shoulders and drew him closer, burying his face against Edward's neck to inhale his familiar scent and reassure himself that Edward was tangible, not some figment of a tortured imagination. "Promise you'll never leave me again."_

_"I promise, Carlisle. I love you-"_

"...Dr. Cullen?" The voice intruded into his fantasy, forcing him back to the reality of the hospital.

Carlisle blinked and focused on the woman in front of him. "Yes? Was there something you needed?"

"No, Doctor. I... Are you all right?" The nurse's expression was filled with concern as she studied his face.

"I'm fine, thank you. If you'll excuse me?" He stepped around her and continued down the hall with brisk strides, as if he hadn't just been mooning over Edward like a love-struck schoolgirl. Had he been capable of it, he was certain his face would have flushed a bright red. And yet, the embarrassment couldn't quite erase his smile.

_Edward was home_.

It still seemed something of a miracle to him that the younger vampire had returned. Their parting had been... acrimonious. And loud. Carlisle had agonized over every harsh word and flung accusation for months, berating himself for not realizing Edward's unhappiness sooner, for not doing something about it. For not convincing him to stay. He had spent days vacillating over whether to go after Edward, finally deciding that to do so would cause more harm than good. The issues of trust and maturity (or, rather, Edward's perceived lack of it) had come up more than once during their arguments. Edward was convinced that Carlisle saw him as nothing more than a child, which was patently ridiculous.

When Carlisle looked at Edward, he saw anything _but_ a child, which was, perhaps, part of the problem. When he looked at Edward, he saw a young man whose already strong features had been sculpted by the transformation from human to vampire, chasing away the last of adolescent softness and giving him an appearance closer to his true age now than the one at which he had been changed. He saw a quick temper and a kind heart, a talented musician and a sensitive soul given to melancholy. He saw the one whom he had chosen, the one with whom he wanted to spend eternity. He saw his mate.

If only Edward could feel the same. Then Carlisle would not have to conceal his inappropriate thoughts when the two of them were together (because they would not _be_ inappropriate, but, rather, _welcome_) and he would be free to give in to the temptation to touch, caress, _kiss_...

The very notion brought him up short again and he forced it away. In the middle of the hallway was hardly the appropriate place for such musings, though the hospital was the only place he allowed himself to indulge in his daydreams of Edward as his lover. He quailed to think of what would happen should Edward "overhear" one of those flights of fancy in Carlisle's mind. No doubt the younger vampire would flee so swiftly that Carlisle would not even have the chance to apologize.

He shuddered at the thought of Edward leaving him again. _No_. It was an idea not to be borne. He would do whatever it took to ensure that did not happen. He had spent the last six months finding out exactly what it felt like to be without his mate (and Edward _was_ his mate, even if he could never act upon it, even if Edward must never know), and Carlisle had no desire to ever again experience such a crushing separation. He wasn't sure he could survive it.

A terrible new thought occurred to him. What if Edward left for some other reason, one having nothing to do with Carlisle's feelings or his ability to hide his thoughts from his companion? What if Edward became restless or simply bored? Carlisle had seen Edward's current choice of reading material. What if all those books on traveling to exotic, far away places inspired in Edward a wanderlust that enticed him away?

The sheer horror of the idea froze him in place for several minutes while his mind raced. He had seen the disappointment in Edward's eyes every morning when Carlisle left for work. He knew that the younger man was discontent with nothing to occupy his time. It had been Carlisle's plan to allow Edward time to settle back into their routine before suggesting that he pursue some interest of his own, perhaps returning to college should he wish to complete his studies. But he could see now that his desire for things to return as quickly as possible to normal, for there to be no reminders of their awful separation, might be misconstrued as a lack of caring. As if Edward's presence was a mere convenience he could take or leave. What if that was the conclusion to which Edward came - and it drove him away again?

If his heart could beat, it would have been pounding against his ribs. Carlisle looked around and was startled to find himself near the administrator's office. Happenstance? Or had his feet known where to take him even if his brain had not?

Medicine would always be there, but if Carlisle wasn't careful, Edward might not be. With his mind made up and firm resolve in his stride, he stepped into the administrator's office to tender his resignation.

And, then, he was going to go where his heart was telling him he needed to be.

Home, to Edward.

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Special thanks to Linda Cullen 11 and Tex-chan for the beta/pre-reading. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Next stop, Egypt! (That will be in the novella, coming soon-ish.)


End file.
